Not possible

It’s alright,
Not being loved or looked after.
Because it’s just not possible,
That there’s nobody there,
Waiting to love you.
Knows your silent mouth,
Almost as well as you.

It’s just not possible,
That there’s nobody there,
Who loves you for the same reasons,
The one’s that you love yourself for,
Because you’re human too.

Dreams.

I have nothing to show,
Only my dreams
And a little hope,
And I know its right.

But the present fools the future,
And I’m living in the moment.
Reality fools my dreams,
But my dreams fuel reality.

And a part of my dreams,
Is to live my dreams.

High

I’ve lived a little life
Had a lot of fun.
Different kinds of fun.
Dancing in the rain,
Shining in the sun.
Playing my guitar,
And crying to the blues.

Fun, they have a lot.
But to live your life, they say,
You’ve got to hold a drink.
To lose yourself, they say,
Is clearly seeing everything.
You have fun with your consciousness,
But the world is huge you see,
Yourself isn’t enough.

When it gets out of your mind,
Do the kaleidoscopes disappear?
Does the honking still seem like music?
Can you still dance to Beethoven?

You’re back to you again,
The misery stays and smirks,
Coffee and aspirin always works.
Desperately trying to be someone
You were running away from.

Story Collector.

Nothing’s changed,
You’re still the same.
You aren’t worth much,
Without my stories.

I’d let you keep my stories,
If I meant more than them to you.

But it’s probably me,
I put you above my stories,
I put you above me.

Insecurity.

You return again and again,
You torture me every time,
You make me realise life,
How I’ll be inactive in death.
You let me know I’m living,
You’re my insecurity.

You force me to realise so much,
I let it go into death,
Kill myself slowly every day,
But realise I’m still alive,
And I look forward to dying.
You’re why I hate life,
You’re why I love life,
You’re why I’m alive.
You’re my insecurity.

I look for what you’re not,
I’ll, maybe, find what I’m not.
And I, still, will live.
I can only be insecure while I’m alive.
That’s what I need you to help me with,
Because that’s how I help myself.

Robotic Existence

I’m like a machine,
My life’s decided.
Everybody uses me.
They oil me every day.

I have a memory,
And I feed it every day.
No intelligence,
I can do nothing new.

I won’t believe you,
If I’m the first one you preach.
My idea of a revolution,
Is to suppress another one.

I’m a part of the system,
I insult it anyway.
It a convenient way,
To cry about my helplessness.

No emotions of my own,
I go by convention.
All my limited feelings,
Are because everyone has them.

I’m insecure if you’re strange.
I’m insecure if you question me.
I’m insecure with change.
My life is supposed to be risk free.

It's you or the world

They say the world appears better,
When the mind is joyous.

So when we met today,
With each passing moment,
Either your beauty grew,
Or the world ameliorated.
But we shall never know,
Because even if it’s the latter,
I probably didn’t notice …

Suicide Note

The frustration was pulling me down,
It should have been the other way round.

So here I am, rather was,
Explaining my end to you,
Or what came right before.

But if I leave it this way,
You will never know the reason.
Every time you think of me,
And how things could have been,
You’ll try to live as me,
You’ll imagine my every thought,
And why I didn’t make it.

My end will remain a mystery,
And the rest of me as well.
That’s exactly how it was.
Right before my end had come,
A mystery I was to me.

Tonight

A strange night it is tonight,
My apprehensions overwhelm me.
The loneliness from the past few weeks,
It seems to signify the end.

Tonight it ends,
This strange feeling inside,
The loneliness that causes it,
Or all the uselessness.

Tonight is when I’m reborn.
I won’t feel left out anymore.
I give myself to the world.
And tonight I make it mine.