Lost

I can almost see it going away,
I’m surrendering to the ways of the world.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way,
I was supposed to bend my world to me.
I was to follow my path,
Build one if it wasn’t there.
My arrogance has let me down,
My soul crunching bitterness,
It split the spirit in me.

Now I look back at me,
My alter ego stands in the distance,
Not laughing at me,
Not regretting my decisions,
It’s just as emotionless as me.
And I wonder,
And I don’t understand anything,
Would things have been different?
Would fulfilled dreams give me feelings?

Will the pointless ever make sense?
Will my loneliness ever satisfy me?
Will the exodus in me ever subside?
Will it ever rise?
Will the lazy impatience pay off?
The gifts they promised for monotony,
The thrills they said would follow me.
And if I followed them,
I would have lost me anyway.

My plans seem like jokes,
My dreams and their ambitions,
My image of me withers in the wind.
Maybe it’s the missing past,
Probably the hollow in my soul,
Maybe the faith that never dies,
It still remains just my faith.
I almost have everything I lost,
There isn’t much I’ve missed.

In this huge little world,
There have been a billion opinions,
Six billion to be a little more precise,
I tried giving mine a place,
I misplaced it right on top.
So did everybody else,
Their respective opinions.
I need to trust mine more,
And make sure it works.

It’s strange you know,
A huge paradox of sorts,
My action betrays my faith,
And my faith betrays what I do.
They have their own opinions too.
I don’t know where I belong,
I don’t know where to put myself.
I try to put me on top,
But I forget to start from the bottom.