War inside.

I will always feel this void,
The bits of life you took away,
I don’t know if I’ll ever have them,
Or if things will change even if I do.

But this feeling inside,
Every time I’m reminded.
Sends my temper shooting,
I could almost explode,
It’s like a war inside.

But there’s a bitter acceptance,
That I’ll never get it back.
I just have to live this way,
Though it’s not like I planned.

But this rage inside,
With all my pride,
Wants to fight with you,
And snatch it back.
But you won my time.

Oh, and this feeling inside,
Every time I’m reminded.
Sends my temper shooting,
I could almost explode,
It’s like a war inside.

I wish(to get it right)

I’m on a learning curve,
And I want to get to the straight,
And I want to get there fast,
I hope I don’t skid off.

But my imagination humbles my ability,
It always has.
I wish to learn enough to get it right.

This learning curve is different,
I’m focusing as hard as I can.
I feel I can do better,
But why is this so important?

It could be the time that it’s taking,
It always is.
I wish to be patient enough to get it right.

I need to get through this,
There’s more at stake this time.
I hope to take it across,
This responsibility on my shoulders.

And the courage seems to be coming through,
It always does.
I wish for strength enough to get it right.

Not possible

It’s alright,
Not being loved or looked after.
Because it’s just not possible,
That there’s nobody there,
Waiting to love you.
Knows your silent mouth,
Almost as well as you.

It’s just not possible,
That there’s nobody there,
Who loves you for the same reasons,
The one’s that you love yourself for,
Because you’re human too.

Dreams.

I have nothing to show,
Only my dreams
And a little hope,
And I know its right.

But the present fools the future,
And I’m living in the moment.
Reality fools my dreams,
But my dreams fuel reality.

And a part of my dreams,
Is to live my dreams.

High

I’ve lived a little life
Had a lot of fun.
Different kinds of fun.
Dancing in the rain,
Shining in the sun.
Playing my guitar,
And crying to the blues.

Fun, they have a lot.
But to live your life, they say,
You’ve got to hold a drink.
To lose yourself, they say,
Is clearly seeing everything.
You have fun with your consciousness,
But the world is huge you see,
Yourself isn’t enough.

When it gets out of your mind,
Do the kaleidoscopes disappear?
Does the honking still seem like music?
Can you still dance to Beethoven?

You’re back to you again,
The misery stays and smirks,
Coffee and aspirin always works.
Desperately trying to be someone
You were running away from.

Story Collector.

Nothing’s changed,
You’re still the same.
You aren’t worth much,
Without my stories.

I’d let you keep my stories,
If I meant more than them to you.

But it’s probably me,
I put you above my stories,
I put you above me.

Insecurity.

You return again and again,
You torture me every time,
You make me realise life,
How I’ll be inactive in death.
You let me know I’m living,
You’re my insecurity.

You force me to realise so much,
I let it go into death,
Kill myself slowly every day,
But realise I’m still alive,
And I look forward to dying.
You’re why I hate life,
You’re why I love life,
You’re why I’m alive.
You’re my insecurity.

I look for what you’re not,
I’ll, maybe, find what I’m not.
And I, still, will live.
I can only be insecure while I’m alive.
That’s what I need you to help me with,
Because that’s how I help myself.

Robotic Existence

I’m like a machine,
My life’s decided.
Everybody uses me.
They oil me every day.

I have a memory,
And I feed it every day.
No intelligence,
I can do nothing new.

I won’t believe you,
If I’m the first one you preach.
My idea of a revolution,
Is to suppress another one.

I’m a part of the system,
I insult it anyway.
It a convenient way,
To cry about my helplessness.

No emotions of my own,
I go by convention.
All my limited feelings,
Are because everyone has them.

I’m insecure if you’re strange.
I’m insecure if you question me.
I’m insecure with change.
My life is supposed to be risk free.

It's you or the world

They say the world appears better,
When the mind is joyous.

So when we met today,
With each passing moment,
Either your beauty grew,
Or the world ameliorated.
But we shall never know,
Because even if it’s the latter,
I probably didn’t notice …